In a Completely Different Order then They Were Drafted…

With the NBA season coming to a close, it’s now time to look back, evaluate the rookies and make fun of GM’s for their picks that didn’t pan out, and then go out to buy Spurs hats and claim to be life-long fans.  Let’s start with the rookie evaluations. 

1. Brandon Roy, G, Portland
brandon_roy.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
35.4 16.8 4.4 4.0 1.18 0.18 .456 .377 .838

Though his numbers are impressive, he is simply not a good fit in Portland.  He is respectful, interviews well, has charisma, and no notable arrests.

2. Rudy Gay, F, Memphis
rudy_gay.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
27.0 10.8 4.5 1.3 0.91 0.95 .422 .364 .727

On draft day, it was obviously a good choice for Memphis to go Gay.  Marketing his jerseys has been tough.  Not too many kids want to wear Gay jerseys, or Gay clothing altogether.

3. Andrea Bargnani, F, Toronto
edgrimley.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
25.1 11.6 3.9 0.8 0.49 0.82 .427 .373 .824

A totally decent edition to the Raptors, I must say.  Perhaps a trade to the Lakers would better suit his career, as he is a noted triangle specialist.

4. Paul Millsap, F, Utah
paul_millsap.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
18.0 6.8 5.2 0.8 0.82 0.90 .525 .333 .673

Millsap finished his solid rookie season with his seventh double-double, scoring 14 points and grabbing 10 boards against the Rockets. He has that solid ability in a player that Jerry Slaon appears to strongly embrace over the past few seasons; the ability to make 95% of NBA fans to say “Who?”  

5. LaMarcus Aldridge, F, Portland
lamarcus_aldridge.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
22.1 9.0 5.0 0.4 0.35 1.16 .503 .000 .722

Aldridge’s numbers in the 38 games from Jan. 6 (when he became a permanent part of the rotation) through March 29: 10.9 PPG, 5.8 RPG, 1.45 BPG, .509 FG%.   He is also the only NBA player that once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. Do the LaMarcus Mark, watch me do the LaMarcus Mark.  Awwww, yeah!

6. Jorge Garbajosa, F, Toronto
jorge_garbajosa.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
28.5 8.5 4.9 1.9 1.16 0.22 .420 .342 .731

Garbajosa made a solid impact for a guy that spent so many years away from basketball as a burnt out taxi cab mechanic.  Uuuhhhhh… nice transition.  Okey Dokey.

  

7. Craig Smith, F, Minnesota
craig_smith.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
18.7 7.4 5.1 0.6 0.62 0.22 .531 .000 .624

NBA announcers have struggled with his name all year. 

8. Randy Foye, G, Minnesota
randy_foye.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
22.9 10.1 2.7 2.8 0.65 0.26 .434 .368 .854

With the kind of numbers Foye is putting up, it is looking like he might be the next guy Minnesota claims to be that missing piece of the puzzle to take them to the next level, then be dealt or let go in free agency in favor of less effective role players.

9. Rajon Rondo, G, Boston
rajon_rondo.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
23.5 6.4 3.7 3.8 1.64 0.10 .418 .207 .647

Rondo’s numbers over the last nine games were even better than those tantalizing numbers he put up in the preseason. Look for him to begin to refer to himself in the third person because if there was ever a name made for that type of guy, it’s Rajon Rondo. “Rajon Rondo has to do what’s good for Rajon Rondo.”

10. Adam Morrison, F, Charlotte
adam_morrison.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
29.8 11.8 2.9 2.1 0.36 0.08 .376 .337 .710

Morrison played just three minutes in the season finale and missed the previous four games with a sprained knee, which was originally injured at the dirt mall in a scuffle over this kick-ass Lynyrd Skynyrd velvet wall hanging.  Morrison would benefit from packing on a little weight, so it might be time to leave the strict spaghetti-o/cheese whiz/steak ‘ems diet behind.  Add your own details to help me point out he looks all white-trashy

11. Tyrus Thomas, F, Chicago
tyrus_thomas.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
13.4 5.2 3.7 0.6 0.64 1.06 .475 .000 .606

If Thomas begins to live up to his potential, it might be a smart financial move to preemptively copyright the phrase “Tyrus-asaurus” the way Pat Riley banked on the “Three-peat” copyright.  Hey, why shouldn’t the rest of us just do it for the money, too?
12. Renaldo Balkman, F, New York
renaldo_balkman.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
15.6 4.9 4.3 0.6 0.84 0.65 .505 .185 .567

Balkman missed the last six games of the season with a stomach virus, which turned out to be chronic munchies.  Seriously, even this picture would fail a drug screen.      
13. Shelden Williams, F, Atlanta
shelden_williams.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
18.7 5.5 5.4 0.5 0.64 0.48 .455 .500 .764

Williams finished the season on a tear, averaging 12.8 points and 11.8 boards while shooting .588 from the field over the last eight games.  Williams also landed a huge endorsement contract, renting out forehead advertising space to Nike, Starbucks, Crispy Crème, Valtrex, and Bob Rohrman Motors.
14. Marcus Williams, G, New Jersey
marcus_williams.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
16.6 6.8 2.1 3.3 0.37 0.03 .395 .282 .847

Marcus, get ready to be involved in a really mismanaged roster move.  And get ready for shocking legal developments.  Both have happened to every notable Net not named Richard Jefferson.
15. Walter Herrmann, F, Charlotte
walter_herrmann.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
19.5 9.2 2.9 0.5 0.35 0.15 .527 .461 .774

After averaging 17.9 points and 5.3 boards while shooting .582 from the field over the last 18 games of the season, Herrmann still cannot believe it’s not butter.  He did miss a stretch of games after being hit in the face with a goose. 
16. Sergio Rodriguez, G, Portland
sergio_rodriguez.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
12.9 3.7 1.4 3.3 0.52 0.03 .423 .282 .808

On a roster that seems to be on the verge of being loaded, Rodriguez can still hope to get some serious burn next season.  Sun burn.  If his skin tone was a shade of paint, it would called “pepsodent pasty.”  It would be interesting to learn what his name was before the witness protection program tried to pass him off as Latino. 
17. Tarence Kinsey, G, Memphis
tarence_kinsey1.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
20.1 7.7 2.0 0.9 1.10 0.02 .457 .283 .796

See, parents of Craig Smith?  This is how NBA parents name their kids. 
18. Mickael Gelabale, F, Seattle
mickael_gelabale.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
17.7 4.6 2.5 0.8 0.34 0.31 .462 .234 .805

Gelabale is a defensive specialist who went under the radar for much of the season, which is surprising considering the unprecedented jump from the WNBA she made.
19. Jordan Farmar, G, L.A. Lakers
jordan_farmar.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
15.1 4.4 1.7 1.9 0.61 0.10 .422 .328 .711

He appears to have the right stuff, baby and loves the way you turn him on.   I always thought his last name was Knight, but I was not that big of a fan, so I might have been wrong.    
20. Daniel Gibson, G, Cleveland
daniel_gibson.jpg
MPG PPG RPG APG SPG BPG FG% 3P% FT%
16.5 4.6 1.5 1.2 0.38 0.13 .424 .419 .718

Probably the biggest steal of the draft, Gibson was playing big minutes for the Cavs, even starting 16 games. But his parents caught him staying up late to watch Skin-emax movies on a school night and his 2 month grounding seriously cut into his playing time.  Teammates are reportedly weirded out by his referring to road trips as sleepovers and no one will room with him because he keeps them up all night asking them who they like and making armpit farts.

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