Draft Day Gambling

Being that the draft is tomorrow, I’m about to pee myself with excitement.  The 42 ounce Mountain Dew this morning isn’t helping much either.  It has obviously had an effect on my attention span as well, as the second sentence of this article is already way off subject.  Look, something shiny! 

Anyway, I know it’s too late to make this happen in Vegas for this year, but being that there was probably the least amount of gambling on the NBA Finals since the Bulls/Sonics in 96, I’d love to see the sports books make up for it by laying down some draft day events betting opportunities. 

So, according to how I think things are likely to play out, here are my odds on several potential events for Draft Day.  I’m erasing this on Friday if I am way off and pretending like it never happened.  I learned that while studying sportswriting.

DRAFT NIGHT ODDS

Even – They start the show by reminding us how Portland will never, EVER live down the huge mistake of taking Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan, then contradicting themselves by stating that this is their chance to finally make up for it (On a side note, it’s not.  For more info, click away).

Even – Oden’s suit is uglier than Durant’s. 

2-1 – The announcers continue to perpetuate the subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) racism in sports journalism by comparing any white players to only past successful white players (i.e. Larry Bird, John Stockton, Bob Cousy, or John Havlicek, depending on position)

2-1 – The announcers continue to perpetuate the subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) racism in sports journalism by comparing any black players to only past successful black players (i.e. Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, David Robinson, Scottie Pippen, or Bill Russell, depending on position).

2-1 – The announcers continue to perpetuate the subtle (or maybe not-so-subtle) ethnocentrism sports journalism by comparing any foreign players to only past successful foreign players (i.e. Dirk Nowitski, Drazen Petrovich, Vlade Divac, Tony Parker, that giant guy from Portland that was like 62 years old his rookie year, or Yao Ming, depending on position).

4- 1 – The announcers do all three of the previous things.

Even – Any draft pick Jordan makes for Charlotte is compared unfairly to Jordan as a player, instantly setting up the fans and the draftee for a disappointing season.

5-1 – They show us footage of Jordan’s kids playing and talk about how bizarre it would be if in a couple of years, the father drafted the son.

Even – In the event the footage of either of Jordan’s kids are shown, the phrase “Air Apparent” or “Heir Jordan” is used. 

2 -1 – Atlanta pulls off a trade of draft picks to end up with three first round picks and still doesn’t manage to break .500 next season

3-1   – The Celtics, the Suns, and the Timberwolves pull off their rumored three-way trade during the middle of the draft, sending Marion to Boston, Garnett to Phoneix, and…uh, some guy from Boston that other teams would apparently be interested in that isn’t Paul Pierce.

4-1  Kobe Bryant gets discussed more than any of the drafted players not named Oden or Durant. 

6-1 – We get treated to a “Frozen Envelope” joke when ESPN shows us the history of the draft lottery

9-1 – Kevin Pritchard’s head explodes from the pressure of making sure to pick the right superstar and avoid being compared to the disaster of the Bowie pick.

5-1 Corey Brewer pulls a cheek muscle smiling. 

1500 -1 – Corey Brewer doesn’t smile at all

20 -1 – Yi Jianlian’s suit fits him well

3000 -1 – There is any moment that comes even close to the awkward hilarity that was seen in 1993 when Gheorghe Muresan celebrated his being Washington’s last minute 2nd round pick.  Somebody please post this moment on youtube.  

–  Sean

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1 Comment

  1. […] Just the fact that the media references it as your chance to make us forget should serve as proof that we haven’t and we won’t.  Every June until the NBA collapses, we will be reminded.  Even if no one speaks it, that thought of I wonder if anyone will pull a Portland is in the back of all our minds as we watch.  I’m sure it’s in mind of your GM, Kevin Pritchard as he tries to make his selection.  And Jordan, now running the show at Charlotte will be there, too.  So, now with the pressure of that horrible 1984 pick already looming over Pritchard’s head, he can look up and see the man responsible for the worst case of draft day regret we can imagine looking right back at him.  Plus, Sam Bowie might be there, too, manning the concession stand at MSG .  I think I need to add “Pritchard’s head explodes from the pressure” to my list of Draft Day Odds. […]


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