Foam Finger’s Fantasy Sports Crime League

All the sports sites do Fantasy Football, Baseball, and Basketball.  While these leagues can make watching your sport of choice a little more exciting, they’ve basically been the same for years and years now.  It’s time to introduce something new to fantasy sports.

That being said, let me welcome you to the inaugural season of the Foam Finger Sports Crime League.  Considering the criminal actions of sports figures seem to take place far more often than touchdowns or homeruns, our fantasy league focuses on crime. 


Since the league is still in the Beta testing phase, the first season will run for the remainder of 2007 in order to include the three major sports seasons.  This may be adjusted in the future, as we may lose interest way before then.


Each team will be made up of a total of 7 players and must feature:

            – 5 present athletes with at least one MLB player, one NBA, player, and one NFL

player.  The remaining two may be from any other sports or can be additional

NBA, MLB, or NFL players.

– 1 managerial level member, such as an owner, GM, coach, president,

commissioner, etc.

– 1 retired sports figure

            – 1 Sports team as a whole


The scoring system is as follows:

Team owners rack up points from any of their team members accomplishing the following tasks.  Maybe tasks is a bad word to use.  How about “acts of stupidity”?


A crime is alleged against player – 100 points

Player accused of:

            DUI/Public Intoxication – 150 points

            Reckless driving – 150 points

            Disturbing the peace/ Disorderly conduct – 150 points

Public indecency/indecent exposure – 250 points

            Assault – 300 points, double if assault is on a police officer

            Possession – 300 points

Gun Charges – 300 points

Vehicular manslaughter – 450 points

            Sexually based charges – 500 points

            Murder/Attempted murder – 750 points

            Any misdemeanor not previously listed – 150 points

            Any felony not previously listed – 300 points

            500 point bonus for an incident involving three or more crimes

Player arrested – 100 points

Player resisting arrest – 50 points

Player involved in high-speed chase – 800 points

Player involved in slow-speed chase – 1000 points (No way this happens twice)

A Tearful public statement/apology – 200 points

A Ranting, cursing public statement – 400 points with a 100 point bonus for each

                                                               Time the word “outrage” is used. 

Being on the business end of a taser – 600 points

Player actually charged – 150 points

Court appearance – 150 points

Arraigned – no points (That’s like giving points in a Fantasy Football league for guy

 drinking a Gatorade. It’s just too common.  No challenge)

Convicted – 500 points

Jail time – 600 points

Court fines – 100 points

Probation/Community service – 200 points

Violation of probation/parole – 200 points

Violating “League Policy” – 150 points

Earning any type of league fine – 25 points

A league suspension –   100 points + 50 points added for each week of his season he


Kicked out of a public facility – 50 points

Drug test, breathalyzer, or field sobriety test administered – 50 points with a bonus 50

for a failure to pass

In order to keep the focus on the players and not the teams, points scored by the teams selected for the roster will only count as half.  That way, if I had the Bears last year and Scott had Tank Johnson, it wouldn’t result in us having identical points for his behaviors.

Scores will be tallied as scoring events take place.  Each update will be announced on the Finger.  


The draft lottery will be held in the form of a random number generator producing a number after Scott picks odd or even.  I let Scott pick because I’m a good guy like that.  If there is a second season, the person who lost season 1 will pick first. 

The draft will go in simple alternating picks.  The first round consists of draft the 5 present athletes.  Round 2 goes to the management and retired sports figures.  Round three, sports teams.

The draft process will begin immediately following the official announcement of team names. 

So without further ado, let the police blotters and point totals begin to pile up.


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