Martina Hingis’s Argument Totally Holds Water

Martina Hingis recently announced her retirement from tennis after she tested postive for cocaine on a urine drug screen. 

In defense of the accusations… accusations based on positive scientific testing procedures, Martina Hingis clearly explains this whole mess.  “They say that cocaine increases self-confidence and creates a type of euphoria. I don’t know,” Hingis said. “I only know that if I were to try to hit the ball while in any state of euphoria, it simply wouldn’t work. I would think that it would be impossible for anyone to maintain the coordination required to play top class tennis while under the influence of drugs.”  I know what you’re thinking… There’s no arguing with such a valid point.   And I don’t think this performance decreasing factor of cocaine is limited solely to just tennis.  I mean, obviously, there is no way someone on coke could display the kind of grace of a Michael Irvin needed in a wide receiver to run routes and snag passes on the fly or have the hand/eye coordination it would take to be the type of batter Darryl Strawberry was.    And there’s simply no way to sum up the dangers of feeling euphoric, nor can one over-exaggerate its detrimental effects on mental focus.  According to some stats somewhere, 76% of all automobile accidents are caused by euphoria.  AAA suggests that if you’ve had a particularly enjoyable date, an all-around good day, or a financial windfall, try to remember what it felt like the first time you watched Old Yeller before getting behind the wheel.  Even Road Rage is safer than Cloud 9 Driving, as it has come to be known.  You may have a sense of well-being, but how well will you truly be when you drive under an 18 wheeler just because you have no worries.  Those things weigh a lot.  You should worry while on the road, not just haphazardly feel that all in being well. So, with this obvious evidence that there is no way Hingis could have been using cocaine, how can Hingis’s positive drug test be explained?  A simple mix-up may be to blame here, but I strongly suspect that the lab technician was experiencing some feelings of euphoria for some undisclosed reason and was unable to accurately perform his or her job.   Further dispelling these ridiculous accusations and ludicrous scientific evidence, Hingis, almost poetically, summed up her clearly drug-free playing style, stating, “My weapon on the tennis court is and always was one single thing: the game, the ingenuity on court,” Hingis said. “And for this style of tennis, there is only one performance enhancer — the love of the game.”  Oddly, enough, Hingis’s urine tested negative for love of the game.



  1. Most of the Hingis doping products are NEVER tested for:

    for example:
    exogenous testosterone (no IRMS test performed)
    insulin (no test exists)
    hGH (nbo test exists)
    most corticosteroids (Synacten) Not detectable
    EPO (daily doses goes undetected)
    blood tansfusions (no blood testing performed and too expensive to catch)
    Prozac (not screened)
    Viagra (not screened)
    Birth control hormones (not screened)

    Hingis should have stayed on her saline feed another ten minutes longer–then she would NOT be suspended for two years by the IOC.

    No surprise that this comment ended up in the spam folder. Lots of spammers have tried to sell me all of those things.
    – Sean

  2. Hingis is a doper, liar and cheat. Coke is only one tiny element of her PEDs.

    She uses Pot Belge. A superior stimulant injection compound of (heroin cocaine, morphine and caffeine) Most athletes use Pot Belge in all endurance sports.

    Pot Belge can come with corticosteroids too–unless you are already on corticoids—in which case order the ex-cortisone product.

    Hingis—and all her peers also use EPO, hGH, insulin, testosterone gel and other drugs.

    Never believe anything that Lance Pharmstrong, Roid Landis, Marion Jones, Baroid Bonds, Jason Giambi, Justin Gatlin, Regoina Jacobs, Kelli White, Tori Edwards, Michelle Colins ever say about doping. They are liars–as required by their many sponsors. That is the commercial media deal they made.

    Fans can root for these dopers if they prefer–but fully expect to apologize and forgive them because they are indeed cheats and frauds.

    LIVE WRONG! Nike swoosh.

  3. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

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